SNAFU
by Willihem
Summary: William Arthur Kirkland was a simple man. A man who liked to have more than one wife. Elli Vargus was a complex girl. A girl who would turn his life inside out. AU. feme!characters. N.ItalyxUK and others.


**Disclaimer: **-brings out creepy ventriliquist dumby- what's that, Demburt? oh, no, i don't own anything Hetalia at all! what a silly thing to say!

**A/N: **so i did this story a while back. posted it on my deviantart account, and thought "why not, i'll post on here too. this is the first chapter. if you like, i'll continue. heck, i'll probably post anyways. i have at least 2 more chapters that i can transfere right now, and already have half of one writen out for a 4th. so yeah. it's AU.

i know it's got everything sorta...mixed up, but...well, when i first started writing it i didn't think i'd post it here so i made feme!characters and changed names so it'd fit. i'm sorry! it's still good though! TT_TT

just so you know:  
Daniel = Matthew (Canada, who is total badass in chick form...)  
Elli = Feliciano/Romano (North Italy/South Italy.)  
William = Arthur (England. this name change will be explained later. bear with me.)

that's it for now, please read and enjoy!

* * *

Daniel was unhappy. Actually, screw that. She was pissed, fuming, seething, furious, raving mad; everything stronger than unhappy that didn't cross murderous. I mean, come on. The neighbors would figure it out eventually.

She glared up at William, only shorter than his 6 foot height by a good 4 inches. He…well, what did you call that look? It was something close to frightened stubbornness. Sure, physically he had nothing to worry about. But he'd never laid a single harmful finger on his wife, and William never planned to if he could help it.

Daniel sighed, finally closed her eyes and released William from her violet colored gaze. She ran a long, slim fingered hand through her wavy blond locks before fixing her husband's chest with a look of great annoyance.

"Well, I have to hand it to you, Will, you've got guts. This is the first time you've brought one _home_ with you." She raised her eyebrows and her eyes became half-lidded. Honestly, she felt like the mother to an impulsive little boy who'd found a stray- only this stray was…

The pair of legs behind William's shifted.

"You can come out now. I am unarmed, it's the middle of the day, and we're in plain view within a gossipy cul-de-sac. I cannot hurt you." Daniel, in an attempt at showing outward peace, spread her hands in front of herself.

Slowly, hesitantly, a head peeked itself out from behind William's bicep. A curtain of pin straight hair the color of mahogany with a glaze like shine to match swung long, so long Daniel estimated that it would probably land below the girl's back.

At first glance, the face that peeked up at Daniel was perfect. Fringe, slanted bangs covered her forehead, setting atop thick black lashes. Framed by those amazingly long lashes was a pair of honey colored eyes, eyes that reminded Daniel of rum in the intoxicating depth they had. Pale, ghostly pale skin stretched over a baby round face. Strawberry red lips pressed themselves into a hard, anxious line.

Well fuck. Saying "no" to a face like that was gonna be hard. In a very, very guilt ridden way. Especially once Daniel caught the way the girl's eyes seemed sunken with how dark the circles were under her eyes, the cheeks that seemed to lack a healthy plumpness…

"You know we have no room. Not since you let that bum move in." Daniel gave a grand gesture into the 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom, decent sized duplex, pointing to a male who looked almost exactly like Daniel, her twin brother. He was seated in the living room, lounged back on a couch watching television.

The male's blue eyes looked up from the plasma and fixed the strange girl with a surprised stare before grinning widely and crossing to the front door in a space of 2 seconds.

"Wow Will, you really know how to pick em!" the blond, bespectacled man reached forward and offered his hand to the petite young woman. "How's about you come all the way out and have us get a good look at you, yeah?"

The girl's eyes flickered instantly up to William, who nodded reassuringly. One leg, then the other stepped out from behind her shield.

For a split second, the tiniest fragment of a second, the twins were in shock. Then a honest smile spread across the man's lips. Well, this should be interesting. He took her hand and tugged her along into the house.

"What's your name? Are you gonna stay here? How'd you meet Will? My name's Alfred! Do you like anime?" Alfred made each of these run together in one jumbled sentence.

At first she had a look of bombardment. Then a smile split upon those shocking red lips as she spoke for the first time.

"Hello Alfred, my name's Elli." Something in her voice reminded the three of semi-sweet chocolate, bittersweet and velvet.

Pulling his newfound playmate further into the house, Alfred started spouting off random things about the living conditions.

"…and you can sleep with me!"

"Al, if you touch a single hair of hers in a sexually manner, I'll castrate you, wax your happy trail, and make sure your libido gets no relief- EVER!" William's first statement since his arrival home was received with a causal wave and Alfred and Elli's disappearance into a room adjacent to the kitchen.

William watched Daniel pace in front of him as he sat on their bed, waiting. Bracing himself as she finally turned to him, he flinched inwardly at the exasparated look on her face.

"Just because I'm a doctor doesn't mean I can fix everyone." William looked up at the expression on Daniel's face. It was the one she wore when she was losing a patient.

"It's not as bad as it looks. She just…" he hung his head. How did one explain this? 'See, here's the thing dear, while out on one of my 'nights' I happened to wake up next to a beautiful but malnourished girl suffering multipersonality dissorder and then proceeded to spend 2 days with her in a hotel room and then brought her home to marry her?'

Yeah, that would go over REALLY well. Even factoring in the fact the Daniel knew and accepted his polygamist ways, it was still asking too much.

A shot of pain bloomed from the back of William's head, the force of the blow sending him forward onto the floor. Grabbing the his injury defensively, William gaped up at his rather satisfied looking wife.

"Really Will, have more faith in yourself. We knew eventually you'd find another spouse for yourself, and if she's that important to you then I guess it just can't be helped. Remember, that's what us wifes do: love you no matter how retarded you act."she walked over to the bedroom door, glancing back to throw him a smirk that translated to "yes-i-did-just-read-your-mind" and walked out.

William sat on his knees for a minute before cursing aloud and getting to his feet. He decided the first thing he should do was make sure Alfred wasn't raping the very girl he was hoping to save.

* * *

now that wasn't so bad, was it? -is shot- X P


End file.
